This got me thinking - is there some usefulness contained those what-ifs?
Mostly, I agree with you, I think.
Where they may still contain SOME value is in informing any changes that need to be made now. If there's a sign that I really regret not doing something - because I keep fantasizing about what things would have been like if I HAD done it - that could mean it's something still relevant enough to pursue - better late than never.
Some ships will have sailed, obviously. Like if you're 50 and thinking back to some missed romantic relationship from when you were 20, involving someone who is now married and settled, what-ifs are largely unhealthy, not just unhelpful. Still, if you can sit with the longing attentively and find out WHY you think your life would have been better if things had worked out differently, maybe you can still attain some of the underlying things that make that fantasy appealing to you.
I suppose I'm just working out how to discern when something is helpful and informative, and when it's just a form of emotional hoarding.
Ah, I love this comment. And I’m really glad my post resonated with you.
If I ever wrote follow-ups to my posts, this would be one of them. You’re right: the what-ifs aren’t the problem; it’s what we do with them. When the what-if inspires movement, great. When it just replays regret, that’s where it becomes dead weight.
Thanks for putting this so clearly. I didn’t touch on that angle in the post, but you nailed it.
This got me thinking - is there some usefulness contained those what-ifs?
Mostly, I agree with you, I think.
Where they may still contain SOME value is in informing any changes that need to be made now. If there's a sign that I really regret not doing something - because I keep fantasizing about what things would have been like if I HAD done it - that could mean it's something still relevant enough to pursue - better late than never.
Some ships will have sailed, obviously. Like if you're 50 and thinking back to some missed romantic relationship from when you were 20, involving someone who is now married and settled, what-ifs are largely unhealthy, not just unhelpful. Still, if you can sit with the longing attentively and find out WHY you think your life would have been better if things had worked out differently, maybe you can still attain some of the underlying things that make that fantasy appealing to you.
I suppose I'm just working out how to discern when something is helpful and informative, and when it's just a form of emotional hoarding.
Thanks for provoking some thoughts!
Ah, I love this comment. And I’m really glad my post resonated with you.
If I ever wrote follow-ups to my posts, this would be one of them. You’re right: the what-ifs aren’t the problem; it’s what we do with them. When the what-if inspires movement, great. When it just replays regret, that’s where it becomes dead weight.
Thanks for putting this so clearly. I didn’t touch on that angle in the post, but you nailed it.